Learn to truly receive what you deserve
Success doesn’t just come and find you. You have to go out and get it.
Do you agree? And what about this one:
Successful people always ask for exactly what they want.
Both statements require that you believe you are worth that success and happiness, and exactly here is where you might get triggered in your core unworthiness.
Core unworthiness is the place of our wounding, where life gave us a slap in the face and we feel ashamed to show the world our cheek that is still aching.
Do you sometimes struggle with directly asking what you want or when somebody asks you what you desire you experience a black-out?
Changes are big that your core unworthiness is playing out.
In general, happy and successful people seem to master asking exactly what they want. Your definitions of success will be different from mine, but asking for what we want, expressing our needs and desires makes life so much easier. It improves our relationships, brings clarity and avoids nasty things like passionately aggressive revenging our partner without realizing we didn’t ask for what we wanted in the first place.
This piece is about the art of really asking for what you want by looking into the most common blockages you might have in doing so.
Giving and receiving in life
I struggled for the most part of my life in putting myself first. This is because I am highly empathic, I always believed there was virtue in being modest, and I told myself I simply love giving more than receiving. I believe this is what a lot of people do.
This changed recently.
I realized it is not at all that easy for me to truly receive.
In fact, I almost had forgotten how wonderful and soul-nourishing it can feel to truly receive.
Tune into yourself for a moment. Can you truly receive a well-meant compliment, a warm hug, your boss giving thumbs up or your parents suddenly praising you over your career?
Look deep inside and be honest.
When you don’t really know, let’s do a short and easy experiment.
Next time, track how you respond when you get that compliment, reward, hug, praise. Do you say: yeah yeah and turn away? Or do you fully take it in?
With does fully taking in means?
The essence of it is that you feel the energy and love and reward in your heart and the core of your being. It makes you glow deep inside and you experience that fully taking it in makes the giver also happier. It’s a win-win.
You can compare it with a breath you fully take in.
Keep that hug for a moment longer and breathe the love of it in, enjoying it. This is all for you. You deserve it. There is no mind saying; yeah, yeah. yeah.
The yeah, yeah, yeah means — for a lot of people — this: back off, you are coming too close to my pain of not being able to fully love myself.
Maybe you experienced not enough of this or even a downright unsafe place where you grew up. Maybe you walked away from home. Believe me, most of us, if not everybody, has suffered to some degree from a lack of safety and some kind of traumatic experiences.
This all gets stored in your body and psyche and puts layers of shame and self-blame around the diamond you are. Around your core worthiness
You don’t feel that shining pulsating diamond anymore, and another self-image replaces the hurt that is deep inside. To compensate, you are going to chase success in modern society. But all you are chasing is compliments, love, affection, and confirmation.
Here is the problem: These expressions of love always come from other human beings, not from money or Facebook likes. When you can’t access the place anymore to truly receive that love, the people around you will also cease to give it to you and you might end up trying to fill that big empty hole deep in your soul with addictions or more money.
What I learned is that I needed to go through those layers of trauma to touch again with that deep layer of “I am good enough.”
At the end of that healing process I was able to say: Guess what, I am damn perfect, I rock. I am a loving person with great talents and deserve all the love in the world.
I open my heart to fully receive the infinite love I deserve in this life
Say this sentence a couple of times, how does it feel?
These are called affirmations. They can help you when your core worth feels small at times, or when it flushed down the toilet of your harsh self-judgment.
And hey, it’s OK. We all, every human on this planet, have to deal at some level with this core unworthiness. And our path home is different for all of us too. It is up to you to find the best modality to heal your trauma. They are all around you when you start looking.
Know your value
When you have made contact with your core worthiness, it is time to evaluate what you can do, what your gift is. Where do you bring value to other people?
Maybe you know what your gift is, what you’re good at, but you haven’t found a way yet to bring it to the world, let alone make a decent income out of it.
Stick with me for a moment, you are not alone
Do you struggle with finding your purpose in this polarized, fragmented world dipped in short term dopamine triggered moments of fulfillment? You are not alone
Successful people know their value. They generally have a lot of self-confidence.
Research related to confidence and success shows this:
“One thing is certain: every study conducted in the past 50 years on self-confidence and success has proven that the two are at least related. That is, self-confident people are more successful in all areas of life. And successful people have a high level of self-confidence.” — CFNC.ORG
The confident people around us generally don’t doubt to ask a very reasonable price for their service
Since they are worth it, and they know it.
This starts with the deeper layer of core worthiness first. When they were born, life was throwing firecrackers, garlands and the birthday cake was big, fat and abundant.
Some people have that start. But many haven’t.
Other people fight. They learn from each defeat, each rejection. It shapes their character and molds their modesty. From all that sweat and blood they can really value the place they worked themselves into.
And some people remain for a long time the victim of what happened to them. They don’t even bother to start the fight since facing the pain related to the trauma is too much to bear for their psyche. That’s all good, nothing to make wrong here.
We are all the heroes of our glorious lives, what kind of hero of what kind of life is completely up to you
Life can be a long and winding road to finally finding your deeper treasure, your pile of gold and then you realize it was you all the time running away from it.
Take your time
It took me nearly 30 years to truly embrace the self-love I was worth all along the journey. I just couldn’t fully access it before.
And let me tell you one more thing.
After embracing my full value, scraping every inch of “You got this” from my soul, the true abundance I feel is not in money.
It is in heart connection with other humans. There is where all the success of the world for me is hidden.
Only in the connection with other open hearts, my deeper core worthiness comes alive and thrives. It is the heartbeat of life deeply pulsating with each blissful beat. In that space, it becomes possible to take in love, touch, care from others with the core of my being.
This all starts with an opening that connection in yourself to your core worthiness. For this, you will need others. It’s not a lonely hero’s journey ‘to make it alone’. It is becoming humble, vulnerable and a search for people where you feel safe with, that can guide you and where you can heal together.
No money or success will ever buy you a deep-felt healing heart connection that is received and given fully without any holding back.
Do you know what the fun of all this is? Once you embrace that self-love, you will be able to ask for it more and more and people will be so willing to give you, and give you, and give you more.
And never forget you can be the first person to start giving. Try it right now, hug the person closest to you with that intention.
Love is free. There is a universe full of it.
This blog was first posted on Medium. Check it out here >>